It sounded a little bit strange to me, but we were new, so we went on to work as we were told. Providing clothing, cleaning up trash and fixing some tents. As humanitarian workers, there’s this one rule shared across the whole world: “do no harm”. We come to help in very hard circumstances, so the last thing we should do is to make the situation worse. This is a very good rule. But it is also the rule that gave birth to that other rule: don’t socialize with the refugees. And while I was picking up trash in the middle of the camp, one refugee came up to me and told me a story that immediately made me realize the harm that rule really did. Yes, that’s right, the rule that was supposed to avoid harm was causing serious harm. 

First of all, he told me how much he appreciated the help from the volunteers. While the governments were letting him down viciously, he was grateful for the help of all those that did come to help. But it wasn’t so much the work they were doing that was important to him. While food, shelter, and sanity were very necessary, the volunteers were most important to him, because in the midst of all the atrocities, it reminded him that they were still people in the world that cared. He just wanted to feel normal: “The thing I want the most, was someone the talk to”, he said. “And the kids just need love, more than professional help”. “Because the only thing you can really do for a refugee, is to make him brave”. Brave enough to survive all the horrors that come with a life on the run. Horrors that inevitably cause PTSD. And one of the worst symptoms of PTSD is the loss of the ability to see light, positively. And that was it, in the midst of all the inhumanity, they just needed to be reminded they were still humans. That there was still light in the world. They need a warm hearth. The need a listening ear. They need love. And that is why that’s why that rule is so harmful. Because by telling your volunteers not to socialize with the refugees, you are telling them not to treat them as equal human beings. With that rule you are contributing to the dehumanization of refugees. 

And I realized this is not just a problem of that NGO. While the humanitarian world is very important and should receive more support in this world, many of them fall into the trap of treating the people they aim to help as victims. We are the helpers and they are the victims. But this creates a gap, a distance, between the helper and the receiver. And it is exactly that gap that was the problem in the first place. The gap between rich and poor, documented and undocumented, healthy and traumatized. The first step to close that gap is to treat each other as equals. Go have a beer. Don’t let your social, economic or cultural differences hold you back. Let grab a cold one and forget about our differences for just a little while.